My Unusable Promotional Items

A thousand years ago—back in 2009, I fashioned myself a nifty testimonial page with industry media leaders auto tuning singing my praises. It was an effective promotional tool that I regularly used in my arsenal of PR stuffs, that is until 2014. Here’s just a glimpse of the larger set of testimonials and cue the famed Sesame Street jingle…”One of these things is not like the other…”

Obsolete Testimonail Page

Let’s just say a testimonial from Jian Ghomeshi, who is on trial for sexual assault, punching and choking women in Canada isn’t a sterling example of an effective, endorsement?

Cue Cat Face Palm!

Cat Face Palm

Back in 2013–just a year into my blogging career, I wanted to create some clever ‘on brand’ promotional photos glommed into the scenes of some famed pop culture pics. I hired a graphic designer (who, incidentally I paid in Xanax) to carefully place me within the mise en scène(s).

Cosby

Well, not more than 6 months passed before allegations (re)surfaced about Mr. rapey-pants Cosby, and an onslaught of accusers started to trickle in during 2014 and 2015. You can’t make this stuff up folks. This was a gong show PR effort, and a waste of good pharmaceuticals. Unusable.

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One could easily make the case that Nickelback’s music is a form of ear rape, but really is there anything that lends itself to less ear-to-the-ground, street cred than a photo op of oneself and Chad Kroeger?

Chad

I’m not even able to use it ironically at this point?!

It’s really too bad as I think Chad is a nice guy and looks quite handsome here. All in all it’s just a waste of both of our fine dental work.

I still hold onto it, clandestinely–natch.

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To better office supplies,

XOXO

New Crop

P.S. *Not intended to offend, discount or trigger survivors of sexual assault. Felt it was an irony of coincidental kookiness that needed to be told. Also, it’s ok to laugh sometimes. 2015 was an all you can eat buffet of sads and tragedies, so I implore us all to laugh when we can, (if you find it comical that is?!) Namaste.

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