The Pop Culture Rainman™ Best of 2014 Part 3-The Final Chapter!

I’m back to Swiffer up this dusty mess known as the Pop Culture Rainman™ Best of 2014 Part 3! I realise this has been a slow train wreck, that hasn’t entirely wrecked…until NOW. In my defense, 2015 has been a formless basic b*tch (pop culture-wise) and 2014 is still the gift that begs to be re-gifted, thrice!

Ready, Set, Let’s DO This!

Best in Humans Behaving Like A**Holes

WHO: Gwyneth Paltrow

Conscious Detesting?

Gwynie decided to coin a new phrase for her divorce in 2014 by revealing that her marital denouement to Chris Martin was not a divorce at all, but rather a ‘conscious uncoupling’. And yes, I blame Gwyneth entirely as it has her holier than thou/I-don’t-eat-gluten essence all. over. it. *Actually it was recently revealed to be relationship experts Katherine Woodward Thomas’s oeuvre.

WHO: Solange + Jay-Z


We’ll never know the truth about what really spurned the infamous Elevator Throw Down…or why Solange agreed to wear that peach parfait prom dress. But what I love most about that hot mess was how they all walked out like nothing had happened, especially BEY.

All Smiles for the Camera...

And they said she couldn’t act? That was some grade A fakey star power right there?! Oscar! Oscar!

WHO: Celebrity Sexual Predators

All sexual predators deserve to die by fire as far as I’m concerned—famous or otherwise. For far too long, those in positions of power have used their fame/influence to cloak their crimes. Thankfully, 2014 rammed karma down their manipulative filthy pie holes. I have no plans to post their photos below. We all know who they are.

Don't SHAME victims!

Don’t SHAME victims!

It’s the victims who matter. It’s the victims who need to feel safe coming forward with their testimony, regardless of the perceived Goliath personas they are accusing!


Poor Renee Zellweger lost some of her baby fat and did some light facial work in 2014 and the entire world jumped all over it like she was Jocelyn Wildenstein 2.0?!?! 

It was exceptional work that finally got rid of her sour candy lemon face and she was met with an internet flotilla of OUTRAGE!? All male actors have to do is invest in a Monchichi hair piece (actors NEVER go bald in HOLLYWOOD), some self tanner and they can coast through ‘le aging’ without batting an eye lash?!?!

Monchichi Hair

Women facing 40 and over need to fix that sh*t up without it appearing like they’ve fixed that shit up—and still they get lambasted for it?! Contrary to the web cacophony, I think Renee ASOLUTELY still looks like herself, and I blame EVERYONE for turning one of our greatest actresses into a paranoid shut-in. Oh, you think Renee Zellweger is coming out to play after what you’ve put her through? Expect to see her…NEVER!!

For SHAME people, FOR SHAME!

WHO: Generation Z

On December 31st, 2014 Kanye West released a song called Only One”  featuring SIR Paul McCartney and then THIS lunacy happened online.


  Holy Idiot Shivers?!?!

Anyone taking up oxygen on this planet that doesn’t know who THE BEATLE SIR PAUL McCartney is ?!?! needs to DIE BY FIRE along with the rapists. I’ll gladly pour the gasoline + light the match.

 Best in Food

Nom Nom Nom

Nom Nom Nom

There were so many tasty treats avail in 2014, many of them unexpected fusion delights! In no particular order of yummy…

Clockwise: (1) Cronut creator Dominique Ansel unveiled milk in shot glasses made out of chocolate-chip cookies, (2) the perfect Super Bowl pie; Martino’s General Tao Pizza in Toronto (*and yes its as GOOD as it looks!) (3) EpicMealTime introduced us to the Poutine Dumpling, Kosher in the Kitch revealed the Brownie Eggroll in early Jan (but it *FEELS* very 2014), and NY’s Lumpia Shack Snackbar created their spin on halo-halo a Filipino desert that looks like unicorn vomit + tastes like a Filipino sunrise. *I don’t even know what that means.

…And finalement, The Grand Budapest Hotel taught us how to make a DIY Courtesan Au Chocolat courtesy of their 2014 DVD release.

Best in Selfies

Selfies are not really part of my blogger repertoire, and the extreme egotism gives me a case of the barfs—but like it or not, they are part of our collective culture. A culture that’s GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL.

While the famed Oscar ‘group’ selfie was emblematic of 2014, a plethora of new trends on the theme began to emerge in its place.

Baby + Cat Selfies: It’s funny cause its *Pretend*

New hardware was created in 2014 to mitigate selfie restrictions. Innovations like the ‘Selfie Stick’ for aerial shots, and wait for it…‘The Belfie’ for those hard to reach booty shots. Yes, this is Real Life.

 The Donut Selfie (aka the 360 Selfie) was a 2014 creation. Please have a look at this handy tutorial while I place my head in the oven.

And because I’m running out of patience I now give you my LIGHTING ROUND for Best of 2014!

Best in Accessories

Fringe was the accessory staple for 2014. The Fringed Kimono was all la RAGE at every summer music festival, Gucci got its fringe on in its S/S purse + clutch collections, and only Lenny Kravitz could pull off this oversized scarf with ample fringe benefits!

Best in Photo Bomb

Cumberbatch’s U2 mid-air + Usher’s over-the-shoulder HOW YOU DOIN’ Photo Bombs, were wait for it…the BOMB. *See what I just did there?

Best in Award Shows

THIS at last years EMMY‘s:

…and this phenomenal GIF of Cate Blanchett ‘man-handling’ her SAG award.


Best in Snub

It’s a two-way tie between Jessica Lange snubbing Lea Michele at the American Horror Story Red Carpet


and the photo of Sony exec Amy Pascal trying to embrace Angelina Jolie, while Angie gives her proper BITCH PULLLLLLEASE face. Actually I change my mind. It’s my *favorite*.


 Best in Cause

#FreeTheNip short for Free the Nipple, was the trend of all trend causes in 2014, ’cause girl nips should be able to do everything boy nips can?! Trail Blazers of the cause were Scout Willis who let it all hang out in the progressive legal nip region of Manhattan, and Ta Ta Top a blink-and-it-looks-like-the-real-thing bikini top co. that shares its proceeds with Breast Cancer charities.

Hopefully 2015 will let freedom  ring for #FreeTheNip, ’cause like a good vintage Merlot it really just wants to breathe

…And that’s my time, I’m the Pop Culture Rainman, GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!


The Pop Culture Rainman™ Best of 2014 Part Deux!

Miss me? I’m back with part deux of The Pop Culture Rainman™ Best of 2014—or as my supportive boyfriend likes to call it, No one wants to read your LATE 3-part series about LAST YEAR!?”

Pffft…timelines are so pedestrian doncha think?

Best in Books

I just want to read all the books, I really do. My life’s ambition is to be able to read—uninterruptus, an endless stream of hard covers while on an IV drip of marshmallow lattes. Due to the fact that I gots ta go wee-wee and other of life’s cumbersome intrusions, I’m able to bank a mere 12 reads a year.

Paltry yes, but I try to choose wisely and with discernment.

Best Celebrity Tome 


Lena Dunham: Not That Kind of Girl

Reading Lena’s book was just like that one (and only) time I did Mushrooms. On both occasions I giggled hysterically and uncontrollably in marathon laughter sprints, my nose was running and my feet were sweating (not necessarily comparative) and I was inspired by every word, every breathing molecule before me.

Without question, Lena deserved that multi-million dollah payout. Her writing is extraordinary; she expresses her inner landscape so beautifully and serves up my kind of truth serum.

Also, Lena once tweeted this pearl about Tom Petty…

  and when I was on ‘shrooms the Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers CD that was on a table next to me was giving me a bad buzz (the green guy far right) so much so, that I had to put it in a drawer.

The Wicked Witch Dude on the Right is Trying to Killll Me…..

 …So, as you can see it’s like were one person, really.

Worst Celebrity Tome

Trust me when I say, that this review hurts me more than it wounds you. I think Amy Poehler is a brilliant comedian/artist, but Yes Please receded all my expectations.

Much of her writing felt clipped, rushed and harried–basically what a single working mom of two sounds like in real life. A lot of her stories felt abridged without any real risk in describing her feelings at length—lacking any revealing depth or descriptive color. Plus there seemed to be a lot of silly filler, at least three ‘guest writers’ and lots of whiny complaints about HOW she would finish the book?

I like writers who ‘reveal’ themselves warts and all. Those who ‘go there’ and dig deep in the well. Amy was all, “I’ll call you back in five minutes,” and I only heard from her a week later styles! 

Most of her ‘reveals’ were cloaked in comedy which is fine, but the funny as a whole was lacking. I expected much more funnay for my monnay. I expected the Great Wall of FUNNAY, and I got a billboards length at best.

There were a couple of lines that resonated deeply, like how a burst of crying followed by laughter should be treasured and I had possibly one, maybe 2 episodic laughs—but I can only conclude that she is not a naturally gifted writer, despite thriving in comedy.

Books that I enjoyed in 2014 were few and far in-between, but I adored The Girl Who Was Saturday Night, perhaps because I could truly relate to the divide between pure laine Québécois and Montreal’s English Park Avenue sect as depicted in the 90’s. Also the Opposite of Loneliness from the supremely gifted essayist + poet, Marina Keegan who died just five days after graduating magna cum laude from Yale University was inspiring on so many levels; most notably a personal quest to become half as good of a scribe as Keegan was at just 22 years of age.

This gem only comes out mid-January, but you can be certain that it lands on my 2015 list.

Best of the Web

Best in WEB

Ahhhhh the interwebs are an endless pop culture floret in which to plucketh a ransom of culture jamming from, mais oui?!

Best in Memes 

The famed Oscar group Selfie got a lot of play in 2014 with the Simpsons taking a stab, and my personal fave—a bloated Rob Ford in place of Bradley Cooper

And just when we (and by *we* I mean ME) thought she couldn’t possibly plunge to new lows of vacuity—Kim Kardashian finds a trap door! While I normally employ a Voldemortesque NEVER-discuss-Kardashian policy, the memes that followed her BIG REVEAL, are just too creative to pass up. Girlfriend served up her own backlashings of Schadenfreude on a silver platter!

*Note the silly putty meme was my oeuvre!

Other notables that went viral were sexy convict Jeremy Meeks, the Bong Smoking Grandmas and the most undeserving of all memee‘s IMHO Alex from Target

Lest it be said that among this pecking order of mostly non-talents and functional illiterates (not the grandmas, they show real spinoff promise!) that there shone a glittery star whose electric moves obliterated them all.

None other than Dancing Diva Boy Brendan Jordan, who incidentally was one of The Pop Culture Rainman’smost popular posts for 2014! Brendan recently got himself a coveted American Apparel gig where Bae was able to parlay his shizzle into cold hard papahhhh.

American Apparel...What took So Long?

American Apparel…What Took So Long?

k, I’ll stop with the blaccent.

Best YouTube Star 


Grace Helbig has pretty much cornered the market on the funny-gorgeous-talented  ‘It Gal’ space on YouTube. Here’s her wiki profile, cause girlfriend has one of those annoying ‘early-web adopter’ resumes and this blog post is already a week late.

In 2014 alone, Helbig released her first book—Grace’s Guide, appeared in a digital travel series for Condé Nast Entertainment’s The Scene and most recently got her own E! Network pilot talk-show—and we know how that turned out for Chelsea Lately. All that on top of her mammoth 2 million plus subscribers on her own YouTube Channel?!!!

Her Booky Wook…


FYI; the only reason I am not yet a YouTube Star, or Twitterlebrity as of YET, is due to my inability to just shoot footage or ‘selfies’ on-the-fly sans FULL make-up, hair and a wardrobe team. I also require *twinkly* Elisabeth Taylor White Diamonds Lighting at my disposal.

While you probably ‘wake up like dis’ Ms. Helbig, I suspect some sort of beauty budge for your shows? Those Farrah-flips don’t curl themselves amirite, sister?

As for me, I wake up looking like ONE face with Larry King. It’s holding me back.


And don’t think that just be cause you’re a Millennial and I’m a Perimenopausal that I can’t come for your crown laydeee. Cause I am a COMMMING… (*I yell out to no one…) “MAKE-UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!?????????”

Best Web Series  

It’s Coffee, it’s Comedians, it’s a moving vehiclewhat more do you want?!

Worst in Web

The interwebs giveth but MAN does it ever HACKETH?! It’s been a frightening year for humans trying to keep some semblance of their privacy in tact. Celebrities, agents, moguls and executives were major targets this year.

#TheFappening as it became affectionately known as in hashtag parlancewas a hacking invasion of many famous actresses private iPhone photos which were then posted on the web.

fappening…And the Sony hack emails (which may or may not have been an inside job) let us know exactly what producer Scott Rudin thinks of Angelina Jolie, and by proxy let the world in on the private email accounts of major A-List celebs. ‘HughJ‘ needs to be a bit more creative next time!


Stay tuned for PART THREE of my Best of 2014 series, I can promise you it will be AS exciting a cliff hanger as when Fonzie jumped the shark!

Until Then, Stay Cool


The Pop Culture Rainman